Breathe. (ft. Sushi)

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

When I am nervous about something, when I have anxiety over something, when I feel that terrible things are going to happen: I run away. Not literally, because the lord knows that running a quarter of a block is enough to get the knock me out. But I do everything in my power to not face the problems at hand, and usually resort to vicariously living through people from TV shows, movies, and/or YouTube. Live through other people's lives to escape my own. To distract myself. And I don't mean confrontational situations either -I actually handle those ones pretty well. Communicating feelings is never a problem in my relationships with others. It's more in the situations that aren't people. Situations where failing is a real possibility (and would impact more than just myself).

For instance: If my friend really upset me, it's easy and natural for me to tell her/him how they hurt my feelings - and we'd usually talk it out and come to a resolve. This is not a problem for me. But in my situation right now: having 20 days to finish an entire grade 12 university leveled course, and only having two and a half days to finish the last quarter. These situations I am terrible at handling. And by terrible I mean that I don't handle it. I run away.

I just avoid thinking about it or dealing with it, because it makes me feel stuck, trapped, and suffocated.  The voice in my head just chants the word "failure" and avoiding the problem altogether seems to be the only way to make it shut it up.

But that's not the way to solve problems. That's not the way to handle situations. It's self-destructive and won't get me anywhere. It's giving up. And that's not good enough. Giving up is not good enough of a reason to fail.

Push forward. Keep pushing. Have you tried your best? No? Well then keep trying.
Try to do your best.
Try your best to do your best.
And keep on going,
keep on keeping on.
Your best is all you can do,
And I mean, if you still are unable to make it.
If you don't quite make it across the finish line this time,
that's alright. It really is.
That's not a failure.
And it does not make you a failure.
Keep your head up high.
Because you what you could.
Even when you felt the odds were against you.
Stand proud.

And try again.
Never stop trying.

And remember to breathe.

Now if only I could listen to myself instead of the nasty 'failure' voice in my head.

P.S. my grandma made sushi and it was gr8.

-Ashley