Breathe. (ft. Sushi)

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

When I am nervous about something, when I have anxiety over something, when I feel that terrible things are going to happen: I run away. Not literally, because the lord knows that running a quarter of a block is enough to get the knock me out. But I do everything in my power to not face the problems at hand, and usually resort to vicariously living through people from TV shows, movies, and/or YouTube. Live through other people's lives to escape my own. To distract myself. And I don't mean confrontational situations either -I actually handle those ones pretty well. Communicating feelings is never a problem in my relationships with others. It's more in the situations that aren't people. Situations where failing is a real possibility (and would impact more than just myself).

For instance: If my friend really upset me, it's easy and natural for me to tell her/him how they hurt my feelings - and we'd usually talk it out and come to a resolve. This is not a problem for me. But in my situation right now: having 20 days to finish an entire grade 12 university leveled course, and only having two and a half days to finish the last quarter. These situations I am terrible at handling. And by terrible I mean that I don't handle it. I run away.

I just avoid thinking about it or dealing with it, because it makes me feel stuck, trapped, and suffocated.  The voice in my head just chants the word "failure" and avoiding the problem altogether seems to be the only way to make it shut it up.

But that's not the way to solve problems. That's not the way to handle situations. It's self-destructive and won't get me anywhere. It's giving up. And that's not good enough. Giving up is not good enough of a reason to fail.

Push forward. Keep pushing. Have you tried your best? No? Well then keep trying.
Try to do your best.
Try your best to do your best.
And keep on going,
keep on keeping on.
Your best is all you can do,
And I mean, if you still are unable to make it.
If you don't quite make it across the finish line this time,
that's alright. It really is.
That's not a failure.
And it does not make you a failure.
Keep your head up high.
Because you what you could.
Even when you felt the odds were against you.
Stand proud.

And try again.
Never stop trying.

And remember to breathe.

Now if only I could listen to myself instead of the nasty 'failure' voice in my head.

P.S. my grandma made sushi and it was gr8.

-Ashley

Early Mornings

way to early for yours truly

Don't really care to go into details about my workload, because shit. (Just that: shit.) But I'll say this: I have been up since 1:00am this morning, working since (roughly) 2:30 am, and it is nearly 10:00 am and I am ready to just cry and give up. But enough about that, this is my happy blog.

As stressed out as I am, at times like these I am reminded how overwhelmingly supportive my parents are. I am so lucky to have the parents that I do. My dad even made coffee for me! (Well, I had to finish it off. But my dad always makes such yummy coffee! He's got the milk-to-sugar ratio down pat.) My parents are also doing my back-to-school/moving-out shopping for me (as I am too busy to do so myself) and my dad got me 4-5 cardboard cases full of Vita Lemon Teas. And omfg I am thrilled beyond belief. That adds up to a grand spanking total of about 150 of these Vita Lemon Tea juice boxes. You guys don't understand - Vita Lemon Tea is my absolute favourite drink. (Well, second to, you know, actual iced lemon tea. And no I don't mean that Nestea garbage. I'm talking about the ones you get at Chinese restaurants.) Happy dancing definitely happened.

Fun pen, pencils, and markers.

My mom also bought me a bunch of pens, pencils, and markers. Markers of every colour ever. Perfect. She also went and bought an entire bedsheets/pillowcases/comforter set for me. (Yay) (I love my mommy)

Anyways, I have to go and be productive or something.

 -Ashley 

Dim Sum Daze

Food. Food. Food. Oh my god. Food. 

So, it turns out that 5:00 am is not a great bedtime when you need to be up be 8:30 am. And I'm paying for it. Man, the eyes can barely stay open. But I'm not new to the game of three hours of sleep, no sir. Me and him are great friends, and we meet each other far more often than I really care to.
But anyway. My family and I went out for dim sum. It was pretty great. I've always loved (loved loved loved loved) dim sum. Seriously. Although, yesterday's (terrible) decision of late night instant noodles made me eat significantly less than I usually do. Eating less is actually something I should work on (or at least that's what my doctor said). Too bad this episode was caused by 3 am instant noodles. Uh -yay health?!

The Restaurant

At Last...

This is Real, This is Me (x)

 After hours of designing and tweaking, I have finally completed my layout!

I mean, it's not the greatest -but it'll do (for now.)

Over the past couple days, I've been hit with a sudden desire to start a 'lifestyle' blog... except I'm not entirely sure what all that entails. But -colour me intrigued!

To be honest, I've just been feeling pretty down lately. Sometimes I get stuck in the waves of negativity. Especially when I'm stressed -and even more so when I feel like I'm about to fail. I do struggle with depression and anxiety, and sometimes its hard to manage -cough- myself during the harder times.But that's not what I want this blog to be about (Besides, I already have a blog where I whine about my feelings and boohoo how hard life is.) I want this to be a blog where I document the great parts of my life. The big, the small, and everything in between. That way, when I find myself in the darker corners, I have a place to remind myself how lucky I am to be ,well,  me. I want to learn how to better cherish the happier moments -and force myself to find more of them (even when it's hard.)

But there are also a zillion other reasons for me wanting to do this.

 I'm entering a pretty exciting (read: horrifying) stage of my life, as I am going to University this coming September. And as if that weren't great (again: horrifying) enough, I am also moving out of home, and into a dorm room. Lucky for me, my roommate is one of my best friends! Cheers to that!
On top of that, I've really wanted to get into DIYs and room decor and artsy-fartsy shtuff. Don't misunderstand -I'm the furthest from being talented in the field of ~le arts~. But it is something that I've been wanting to get into over the past few years. With moving into a dorm and everything, what's a better way to get my DIY and decor on! Right? (Right!)
And maybe I can practice writing coherent (or semi-coherent - don't want to get too ambitious) sentences while at it. Maybe.

I've always been pretty terrible at keeping personal goals, so hopefully this will give me the extra push to bring the projects that I've had in my head (for the past few years) into life.

Here's to trying!

Oop,
And I'm Ashley. I'm basically 19 (in. a. matter. of. days.) and if you can't tell by now, I'm a rambler.


Cool. Coolcoolcool.

-Ashley